Hermione Saves The Day!

Wednesday, February 29th Vinnie asked me if I would be able to drive to Pittsburgh on Friday, a scheduled day off. He wasn't certain he'd need this special carpet padding that soon, but he'd know before the end of Thursday. I said sure, I'd go if he needed me to. When I arrived at work Thursday, he told me I was going. He suggested I take my GPS. I like to think I would have done so anyway, but in any case, I was very happy that I did.

Friday morning at a few minutes after seven I loaded my backpack full of MP3, GPS and assorted other necessities into the van and set out. I had the address of my destination on the paperwork, and I began loading it into Hermione as I slogged through Meadville, heading for Interstate 79. She wouldn't accept the street name, however. I guess she'd never heard of it. Luckily, there were directions included in my paperwork. I proceeded as if it were still the twentieth century, with directions printed on a piece of paper. The font used was about six point. Trifocals are good.

"If you are coming from Meadville, you will want to get onto79S and stay on there, you will pass several exits ex: Craberry Twp./Warrendale, keep going past the Wexford, until you see the Sewickley exit, you will bear to the right, go to the first stop sign, make a left follow through small village at a slow pace, you will come across another stop sign beneath an over pass, make a right onto RT 65 north, stay on there for about six miles..." I passed the Cranberry Twp./Warrendale and the Wexford. There was one exit that mentioned Sewickley, but was not called the Sewickley exit, so I gritted my teeth and stayed the course. I was soon rewarded with the actual Sewickley exit. So I followed through a small village at a slow pace, came across a stop sign beneath an over pass, turned right onto State Road 65 and tried like hell to read the directions and drive. "...You will pass Quaker Village Shopping Center/Giant Eagle on your right, Red Cap Cleaners on your left, you will then see the Leetsdale Ind. Park on your left side, bear to the right to get onto the ramp for our facility..." I puzzled over that one while I tried to watch for the landmarks mentioned, never really sure I hadn't already missed one.

My cellular phone rings about three times a month. Twice a month it's Carmen. At this particular stressful moment, it was Vinnie. "Call me when you have the padding loaded. I gotta send you over to the Pittsburgh Sherwin Williams store." "Okay. Bye!"

Keeping the faith, at last I passed the Quaker Village Shopping Center and the Red Cap Car Wash. The industrial park was indeed visible on the left. Bear right...right! Oh shit! Lane change, exit right onto a ramp, left turn at the top of the ramp, cross over the highway to the complex. This part of the journey reminded me a little of Boston - once you find it you see how to find it.

The industrial park's signage pointed the way to the Shaw carpet distribution center. I drove around back to see if there was a shipping office door. I didn't see one, so I pulled into a parking space in front of the building. Stiff from two and a half hours on the road, I climbed out of the van and hobbled to the office door. Inside I found an empty reception area, empty hallway, empty offices along the hall. There was a button to push on the ledge of the reception window. I pressed it and waited. It wasn't thirty seconds before a human came through a door at the end of the hall and approached me. I showed him my paperwork and explained my mission, leaving out the challenges associated with finding the place. He scratched his head. Obviously this paperwork wasn't the normal sort. He went to an office door and expressed his dismay to another human, who took the papers, turned to his computer and began the business of sorting it out. "Where's your truck?" he asked. "Drive it around to the roll-up door in back, and someone will load you up."

Fifteen minutes later and much heavier with ten rolls of padding inside it, the van was on its way back to the highway. I pulled off to the edge of the parking lot and called Vinnie. He gave me the address of the Sherwin Williams at 6583 Hamilton Avenue in Pittsburgh. I fired up Hermione again, fed her this new information, and like a dog with a bone, she was all over it. First we were back on 65 southbound toward Pittsburgh. Hermione said we had about fourteen miles to go before we should exit onto I- 279 North. On we slogged in Friday morning traffic, watching the miles tick off on the GPS. After about twelve miles I encountered road construction. Soon after I began seeing signs telling me that the road was closed ahead, detour ahead, danger Will Robinson. With a sinking feeling, I realized that the exit Hermione was telling me to take was going to be closed. We were indeed shunted off SR 65 about fifty feet shy of the exit. Now maybe if there had been another pair of eyes in the van, we could have found the easy way to turn this misfortune around and find I-279 north. I saw south, and hoped the northbound equivalent would present itself. If it did, I didn't see it.

Hermione was not amused. I continued on the detour with her crying out instructions to exit right and go back to the real exit. I tried to reason with her, but she kept right on recalculating. I exited as soon as I could, and just began taking every turn and every exit she recommended. I have no idea where we went. I remember going through a shopping center parking lot, a business park and an apartment complex. I was completely at her mercy. Finally we got off highways and got on Penn Avenue for a couple of miles of good old fashioned city driving. For a short while, she had spasms where she would recalculate and try to tell me how to get back on Penn Av. I was still on Penn, so I ignored it. She'd unkink herself for a while, then go through it again, like three or four times.

Finally we reached our turn at Liberty Street, which quickly took us to Hamilton, I turned, and there was Sherwin Williams! Good old Hermione! I pulled in, unkinked myself and walked inside the store. They seemed to be expecting me. They told me to back my truck to their dock so they could load a couple of pallets. My perplexed look gave them pause. "Uh, I've got ten rolls of carpet padding in the van. A pallet isn't going to fit!" "We told him to send a box truck!" they replied. "You told Vinnie to send a box truck?"  "Who's Vinnie?" "The guy that sent me in a van." A look of understanding dawned on their faces. "There's another Sherwin Williams about a block up the street," they said. "Maybe that's where you're picking up from. This here is an automotive coatings division store."

Oh. I reboarded the van, pulled out onto Hamilton and drove another block or so. There was Sherwin Williams. They were expecting me, and they had six five gallon buckets of paint for me. That fit fine. In ten minutes I had loaded the paint, unloaded my bladder and called Vinnie. "I need you to go to the Hermitage store on your way back." he told me. The Hamilton Street store guy got me the address, and I loaded it into the GPS before setting out once again.

This time she directed me by a few short connectors to State Road 8. I remembered 8. It went through Butler last year when I drove down for my rah rah training meeting with other new people in the district. I pulled out the Pennsylvania map we keep in the van and saw where it was taking me. It was taking me north to the Pennsylvania Turnpike. That's cool. I had zero cash. I figured I'd stop in somewhere where I could buy a Coke and some kind of snack and get cash back for the Pike. On and on I drove through some very pretty countryside, unsullied by stores where I could get Coke and cash back. Miles and miles I drove. Turnpike 5 miles. Turnpike 2 miles. Turnpike 1 mile. I held onto the notion that there's always a commercial center at a major highway intersection. And I was right. Suddenly I had hundreds of possibilities. I chose right side, easy on/off the highway, easy parking. Rite Aid. Good. Coke, trail mix, cash. Mission accomplished.

I could just stop now. The rest of the story is pretty routine. The turnpike took me to I-79, to US-422 to I-376 to State Road 18 right to the Hermitage store. I got two more 5 gallon buckets of paint and headed for home like a horse to the barn.

As she has so many times before, Hermione saved my bacon. Without her I would still be wandering around Pittsburgh.